Talking Relationships, Writing, and TikTok With Kirstie Taylor
She’s about to be your new go-to for relationship advice.
Photo: @wordswithkirstie
Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Sure! My name is Kirstie Taylor, and I’m a dating and relationship writer. I help people feel more confident in their love lives through my essays and content online.
How did you first get involved in writing, and did you always cover relationships and dating? Or was it something you became more interested in over time?
How I got into writing goes hand-in-hand with my interest in the relationship and dating field. It was a personal experience where I decided to take a year off from dating-- after experiencing two back-to-back breakups that ended the same way-- that got me into the field of adult relationship psychology. I wanted to understand why I made crappy choices in dating, and through my research, I learned a lot about myself. This happened around the same time someone told me about the platform Medium. I decided to write a personal essay about an experience with an emotionally abusive boyfriend, and it did really well. From there, I kept writing!
As a relationship and dating writer, how do you find inspiration for what to write about? Is it mainly personal experiences, observation of others, research, etc.?
Personal experience is really what launched my career, but now that I have a following, a lot of the content I write about is based off what they tell me. People write-in questions all the time, and those give me inspiration and guidance for what people need the most help with.
Aside from relationships and dating, another topic you cover a lot is self-improvement and self-love. I imagine writing about that involves a good amount of personal reflection and awareness. What do you think is the biggest / most impactful lesson you’ve learned during this process so far?
The biggest lesson is that I’ll never stop learning. I never try to present myself as perfect, nor do I close myself off from learning a lesson or two from other people. A lot of self-help “gurus” act like they have everything figured out when, in reality, no one does. I’ve found that my readers appreciate that vulnerability from me, too.
This is the “Soulmates” issue of C&W, so we couldn’t interview you without asking: what are your three top pieces of relationship / dating advice? This could be anything from people looking for a relationship, in a relationship, or even fresh out of a breakup!
My top advice covers three aspects of dating and relationships: boundaries, expectations, and self-reflection. First, you need to have solid boundaries to be happy in any relationship. If you find yourself being “used” or never heard in your relationship or constantly heartbroken, it may be that you lack boundaries. Second is that expectations are the silent killer of happiness. Your partner isn’t a mind reader; you need to let them know what you expect from them and what needs of yours aren’t being met. In dating, it’s important to experience people for who they are, instead of placing preconceived expectations on them. The third is that if you don’t reflect on your dating life or relationship, you’re bound to repeat mistakes or stay stuck in a stagnant relationship. Without reflection, you won’t notice what’s making you unhappy or-- to flip it into a positive-- you won’t appreciate everything that’s going right!
We saw you have a book coming out, What I Wish I Knew About Love! Congrats! We would love to know more about how that came about, what the process has been like, what the book will cover, and any other details you can share about the release.
Photo: Thought Catalogue
Thank you! I started writing What I Wish I Knew About Love at the beginning of quarantine. It always irked me that we’re never taught how to date or be in a relationship when we grew up, but instead were expected to figure things out on our own. Not to mention the unhealthy relationship habits we saw in the media and pop culture growing up! So WIWIKAL is a culmination of lessons on love-- from breakups to self-love to dating to relationships-- wrapped up into one book with personal stories mixed in to make it juicer. My book is available to order via the link on my Instagram or TikTok.
Outside of writing, you’ve managed to grow a huge following on TikTok. Could you tell us more about your experience on TikTok, how you grew your following, and how / if it’s affected your career?
TikTok has been a wild ride, but a very fun one. When I first decided to get on the platform, I essentially looked at it as repurposing my articles into videos. I still do that, but I also create so much more content from funny little sketches to video series that my followers asked for. I’ve definitely had people buy my book from the platform, which is great. Not to mention people find my writing through TikTok. The most important thing for anyone on TikTok is to be authentic and have fun with it.
Do you have anything else you want to plug or are excited about for the future?
Right now I’m focused on my book and making sure it has the best launch it can. But I’m sure there will be more to come in the future!
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
Follow Kirstie on TikTok at @kirstietaylorr and on IG at @wordswithkirstie
Pre-Order What I Wish I Knew About Love Here